This article is taken from the August-September 2024 issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Right now we’re offering five issues for just £10.

As head of house at my dank West Country boarding school, I struggled to remember the names of the new boys. One prepubescent bedwetter looked the same as the next.

So, when there were chores to be done — sweeping the dining room, toasting breaktime crumpets, or lifting jockstraps from the study floor — I did what all prefects did. I stood in the entrance hall of our boarding house and at the top of my voice bellowed: “Fag!”

Of course, I meant no offence. However, I now realise the little chaps might have regarded my actions as — to use the latest buzzphrase — a “micro-incivility”.

I know this because the HR director recently made the board go on “allyship training”. She says, for the company to attain the “next level of maturity” in Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, we must all move from passive acceptance to active support for minority groups.

Our training session included a scenario where a boss persistently forgot or mistook the names of his subordinates. This sort of behaviour, I was told, causes particular offence amongst Gen Zs, who resent being regarded as faceless office-meat. We discussed a range of ways of “calling out” this errant manager, from a gentle dig in the ribs to a formal whistleblowing process.

As I have written previously, there is much to dislike about the DEI industry — from the vampiric consultancies selling bogus products, to the preening fund managers signalling their virtue to deflect from soggy investment performance.

However, as our allyship trainer ploughed on with our discussion, I felt a little shudder of shame. My memory for names has, if anything, got worse since my school days. Sometimes, I have Bidenesque brain fogs and resort to calling colleagues “madam” or “dear boy”. There was also a time when I used to muddle the names of two Asian underlings.

Once you strip away the ghastly Ivy League business school jargon, very grudgingly I have to admit there is something positive to be taken from this kind of management coaching — a reminder of the importance of good manners.

I am a great believer in being civil — so, however uncomfortable it may be, sometimes it is necessary to be educated on what “incivilities” look like to the modern worker.

Unfortunately, a growing number of men believe that debates give them licence to behave like cads

What’s reassuring is that the basic principles have changed very little.

Returning from my allyship bootcamp, I decided to reread my dog-eared copy of Debrett’s New Guide to Etiquette & Modern Manners, which normally languishes in the downstairs lavatory. (Never toilet, of course!)

A few elements of my 1990s edition are rather dated. In the Business Manners chapter, for example, there’s a long section on the use of facsimile machines, which might as well come from the age of steam. “It is irritating to ask people to fax you something that can easily be discussed over the telephone,” warns Debrett’s. “This is a ploy used by the slow-witted.”

But, almost eerily, this ageing tome correctly anticipates current office hot topics. Echoing the inclusivity message from my allyship trainer, bosses are firmly told: “Good managers should make sure they know the names and jobs of all their employees.”

There is advice on how to handle what would now be called “MeToo” misbehaviour. “To press unsolicited sexual attentions,” according to Debrett’s, “remains perhaps the worst office manners.”

There is also a detailed discussion of the old “Mrs, Miss, Ms” debate, where prefixes could easily be substituted for pronouns: “It remains more correct and altogether smarter to find out exactly how a woman prefers to be styled.”

Modern office life can be a challenge to navigate, but good manners are timeless. Unfortunately, however, there is a growing number of men who seem to believe that the legitimate and serious debates over DEI give them licence to behave like cads.

The Financial Times recently reported on an ill-tempered backlash against women leaders in the mining industry. Disgruntled men, it was reported, were sneering that DEI stood for “Didn’t Earn It”, and there were warnings of a misogynistic “Andrew Tate effect”.

Global mining is dominated by Australians, Afrikaners and Appalachians — so I can well believe that acting like a rotter is endemic in that sector. Even in the City, though, it is not hard to find chaps using some very ungallant language after a promotion they were seeking was handed to a lady.

Whilst I do sympathise with their predicaments, it is always much better to follow the advice of Debrett’s which urges us all to be “devoid of bitterness and mudslinging whatever our inner feelings”. Remember, no one likes a Flashman.