Here we were again, trooping into the House of Commons after dark for a late-night statement on something about Brexit and Ireland and protocols and lanes and borders. For those of us who start to tremble every time anyone says “meaningful vote”, the temptation was to call in sick rather than face another round of last-ditch knife-edge votes.

… this was Brexit with a difference

But this was Brexit with a difference. Rishi Sunak walked into the chamber to a greeting he has never experienced before. It was a greeting, indeed, that no Conservative leader has enjoyed since the happy days after the 2019 election, before lockdown emptied the chamber and split the party. Tory MPs stood and roared their approval so loudly that even up in the press gallery the noise was painful. They waved their order papers with delight. Here was Rishi, their champion and chief of men, who had slain the European beast and seen off the wicked Irish Sea border!

Earlier we had enjoyed the sight of Sunak and Ursula von der Leyen, the president of the European Commission, holding a triumphant joint press conference in Windsor. They peered over their lecterns, both delighted, immaculately turned-out head prefects of neighbouring single-sex schools announcing that there would be a joint prom, with agreement from the teachers that the music could keep playing until 11pm.

How pleased they were with each other. “Dear Rishi,” von der Leyen called the prime minister. Sunak listed all the many problems that their new deal had fixed. Pressure of time prevented him from mentioning who it was that had agreed the old deal, had fought an election calling it “oven ready” and then declared triumph after voting it through parliament. The new Tory slogan is “Make Brexit Work”, a savage attack on whichever party it is that has been in charge throughout the process. Let’s just agree that once again, it’s down to the poor old Conservatives to clear up the mess that the stupid Tories have made. 

How had they achieved this breakthrough? “The two of us were honest with each other,” von der Leyen replied, hinting, with typical German subtlety, that this had not been the case with every British prime minister she’d met. “Look at the huge challenges we faced together,” she added, in what may or may not have been a harsh comment on Boris Johnson’s struggles with his diet. 

“This isn’t about me,” Sunak said, looking as pleased as if he’d been given a special commendation from the headmaster. When he arrived in Parliament, his MPs were more generous than that. He had united all of them. 

Well, not quite all. There was no sign of Liz Truss, nor of Johnson. Perhaps the nation couldn’t afford his speaking fee. Word leaked out later that he’d been advising the Democratic Unionists not to trust Irish border deals offered to them by Tory prime ministers. And to be fair, if anyone knows about getting Conservative Brexiteers to rat on the DUP, it’s Johnson. 

For the most part, Sunak was heard respectfully, if not quite in silence. Only when he thanked “my predecessors for laying the groundwork” did the SNP break out in laughter. Behind Sunak, Theresa May’s eyebrows twitched. 

The prime minister once again listed the benefits of his new arrangements. “If it’s available on supermarket shelves in Great Britain, then it will be available on supermarket shelves in Northern Ireland,” he said, a commitment that is welcome, even if it means less with every passing week. 

On he went, talking about how appallingly difficult it currently was to send even the simplest package to Northern Ireland. This had been the most appalling burden for business, he explained, a reminder that the main achievement of his party has been to make it much harder for exporters to sell things. He kept stressing that he was restoring sovereignty to Northern Ireland, addressing these remarks directly at the DUP opposite him. They didn’t look especially grateful. 

Keir Starmer was broadly supportive, although, having promised there would be “no sniping” from Labour, he managed to get a couple of shots in. Johnson, he reminded the Tories, had promised “no forms, no checks, no barriers of any kind” in the Irish Sea, a pledge so transparently untrue that it had damaged trust. Steve Baker, Brexit hardman turned Irish peacemaker, nodded thoughtfully at that. Sunak replied that it wouldn’t be right to “look backwards”.

The verdict we were all waiting for came from Sir Jeffrey Donaldson of the DUP. He was cautious. “Significant progress has been achieved across a number of areas,” he conceded. The DUP, he said, had been “vindicated”. Everyone agreed that the previous deal “does not work”. And he went on, “when others said there could be no renegotiation or no change, it was our determination that has proven what can be achieved”. 

Will this encourage them to hold out for further concessions? It’s hard to see it mattering. The rest of the chamber has been offered a chance to stop thinking about Brexit, and we can all understand why they want to take it.