Burnham’s beginnings

As Keir Starmer walked out of Number 10 for the last time, he was greeted by a huge cheering crowd. Wow, this guy is popular! He should consider running for office. “My work is done,” he told us, offering possibly the most misguided example of marking your own homework since George W Bush declared “Mission Accomplished” six weeks after invading Iraq. Although we shouldn’t be harsh: Liz Truss listed leading the nation in mourning the late Queen as her big achievement in office. 

Starmer’s, as he pointed out yet again, was winning the election. The list of things done since then was slightly more vague. But again, Boris Johnson’s departing speech claimed credit for a high-speed train line to Manchester and a number of hospitals that still do not, as such, exist. At least Starmer could truthfully say that he was leaving “with a smile”. Was he also, as he claimed, going “with good grace”? Well, unlike Johnson, he managed to get through the speech without attacking the people who forced him out. 

It wasn’t entirely cheery. His wife Victoria was wearing black, and Rachel Reeves was crying, once again. The departing prime minister warned us not to succumb to division and to “unite different people under our common flag”. Although he completely failed to help that happen while he was in office, and showed little interest in trying. 

With that, he was off to Buckingham Palace, where the band was playing a medley of Bon Jovi songs. Shot through the heart, and only himself to blame, he gave Labour a bad name.

But if Starmer was going out in a blaze of inglory, the rest of us were only halfway there. While the King conducted his exit interview in the Palace’s Chinese Dining Room (imagine having a different space to eat every takeaway) we had to hold on, ready or not, through the hour in which we were without a prime minister and living, as it were, on a prayer.

Andy Burnham had put on a suit for the day, a concession to the soft southern ways of the monarch. We half-expected him to leap out of the car in Downing Street and rip off the whole ensemble, Full Monty-style, to reveal black jeans and a T-shirt underneath. Perhaps he felt that would be taking his personal branding too far. 

A fresh crowd of Labour types had gathered, looking more convincingly happy than the ones who had stood behind the last guy. They included the incoming prime minister’s mum, and the youngest person present: Liverpool Mayor Steve Rotheram’s 10-week-old grandson, currently scheduled to become the King’s 49th prime minister, in about 2038.

As the Burnhams climbed out of the car, there was a huge cheer. The hated Labour government had been overthrown, and a new era of peace and prosperity was being ushered in with a bright, fresh Labour administration! 

Our new leader made his way up the street, shaking hands in triumph. Looking at the pictures, it was easy to forget that his presence there owed far more to the last guy’s failure than to anything Burnham had actually done. His victory was the result of Labour grabbing him out of desperation, rather than any massive public endorsement. 

Perhaps that was why TV talking heads were talking about pressure for an early election. It’s not clear where this pressure is supposed to be coming from. Labour MPs certainly don’t want one, and neither do the Conservatives. Of all the new prime ministers we’ve had — and we’ve had a few lately — Burnham must be the only one to be greeted with a leader of the opposition begging him not to go to the country.

For a man who was a minister under Tony Blair, he’s done a remarkable job of presenting himself as a fresh face

“I am acutely conscious that I am the sixth person in the last 10 years to walk up this street,” Burnham began. “It requires my generation of politicians to raise our game.” It would be interesting to know which generation he believes he is in. For a man who was a minister under Tony Blair, he’s done a remarkable job of presenting himself as a fresh face. 

His speech was a concise version of what he told the Labour Party on Friday: Britain took “wrong turns” under Margaret Thatcher, and it’s time to undo that. It’s hard to know what he means by this. Some of the things he says, about getting government to buy British, could come from a Tory or Reform MP. Other parts, about how the nation hasn’t recovered from deindustrialisation, leave you wondering what he proposes to actually do. We’ll find out, apparently, in a “10 Year Plan” to be delivered in the Autumn. For now, we’ll have to make do with a series of small announcements “to give people some breathing space”. At this moment it was hard to disagree with Kemi Badenoch’s suggestion parliament be recalled to allow all this to be interrogated. 

“It’s about putting the right values and the right standards at the heart of government,” Burnham concluded. Is it, though? That might have been where the Johnson administration fell short, but does it really explain why both Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer were moving out of Number 10 within two years of arriving? Nothing is more persistent than the Labour belief that your opponent’s failure is the result of moral shortcomings. 

Still, the crowd behind him loved it, and gave a huge cheer. This guy should run for office.