Sue Perkins, a former Bake Off Innuendo Coordinator and a “supporter of the trans community”, has said it was a “shitty mistake” to misgender House of the Dragon actor? actress? actox, in a red carpet interview with Matt Smith. Emma D’Arcy is non-binary and uses “they/them” pronouns but Perkins blundered about, confusingly referring to them as “she” in a conversation with the former Doctor Who star, until he subtly corrected her by saying “aren’t they brilliant?” — (Referring to Emma, not multiple people) which managed to put Perkins in her place and keep the conversation not-at-all confusing. Perkins said she “had loads of stuff going on in my earpiece and so wasn’t as focused as I should have been”. But I think we need to figure out if the transphobic voices in her ear were actually real. Other than mental illness, it’s hard to understand how an otherwise normal TV presenter could picture Emma D’Arcy, who plays a fantasy mediaeval queen, and just automatically think “she”.

Maim him
Speaking of celebrities committing wrongthink, ex-Top Gear and The Grand Tour presenter James May has suggested Pride Flags are “authoritarian”, “oppressive” and linked them to the start of the Second World War. Writing on Twitter, the 61-year-old said: “Pride: while I have observed and admired what you have achieved over my lifetime, may I respectfully suggest that you are borderline guilty of Too Much Bunting (TMB).” The hatespeech of linking Pride flags with fascism should obviously be clamped down on by the state apparatus as hard as possible, but the crime of “flag desecration” is shockingly allowed in Britain. Regardless of this, when someone set fire to a Pride Flag in Weston-super-mare the pigs, for all their faults, managed to swiftly arrest a man. Gammons always complain the police don’t bother turning up if your house is burgled, but when it comes to the really serious stuff it’s good to know that they can not only turn up but actually nick the culprits, in this case for “criminal damage”. This year I struggled to find any Pride flags costing over £10, so hats off to the scum for banging someone up for “criminal damage” wink wink, because there is just no way they would even return your call if an individual-with-issues-around-private-property smashed a £100 garden gnome they had plucked out of your front garden. 

I pledge allegiance…
The same thing is happening In the US. Some awful Washington teenagers left SKID MARKS on a PRIDE painted zebra crossing with an electric scooter. Thankfully they were apprehended for the literal violence they dealt to the whole multi-coloured road-based community LGBTQI+ folx. But worryingly, they are only facing a measly 10 years in jail for their hateskid. Can you imagine taking an object of such sanctimonious ecological piety like an electric scooter and using it to desecrate the sacred colours? Not to mention all the sexual minorities that will be unable to cross the road until it’s restored.

Apparently the crossing had only just been re-painted after being set on fire — it burned, but mysteriously it was not consumed. Biden is so busy leading the free world that he still hasn’t managed to make flag desecration in the US illegal either, but the young heretics were arrested for “first-degree malicious mischief” wink wink.  Lime, the California-based scooter company, are predictably horrified and have set up a “no ride zone” near it — a virtual GPS fence that will turn scooters off if they get nearby. It’s a good start but I’ll only be happy when people don’t even wear shoes when walking near holy ground.

Wokespoons
Good news for the thousands of cosmopolitan liberals who have been boycotting their early morning drinking sessions at Wetherspoons since the chain backed Brexit. You can safely return to your cheap booze now “Unity Pale Ale” is on tap in about half of all Wetherspoon pubs. A trans-inclusive, 3.8 per cent gluten free pale ale is available at a bargain £2.63 a pint — which will only cost you your soul if you drink it. Wokespoons tell me Tim Martin has no control over what landlords buy in as guest ales, which just goes to show that, thankfully, the arms-length unaccountable state is alive and well in publand. #DespiteBrexit

I ❤️ arson
Can you name something that is red, has killed millions of people, and is still more progressive than you? No Diane, it’s not Chairman Mao. The answer is fire, because according to Northamptonshire fire service, it doesn’t discriminate! It is the least judgemental of all the ancient elements as it will burn you and your deviant neighbours alike. The monkeys from the Jungle Book understood the inclusivity of man’s red flower in their hit tune “King of the Swingers” — a song that should now be thought of as a free love anthem. Simon Tuhill, the Deputy Chief Fire Officer in Northamptonshire, has shown off his new rainbow epaulettes and tried to ignite the #firedoesntdiscriminate hashtag on Twitter, which should really raise awareness of a conflagration’s progressive values… but hang on, he’s now just confusingly tweeted that fire does actually discriminate against certain communities, [eh? Spontaneously combusting lesbians? – Ed] so his campaign has sadly somewhat backfired. 

Track changes
Native trolls are mocking this London Underground poster which suggests Black butch women constructed the great city of Londinium back in 47 AD during the Roman occupation. This may not be true in the patriarchal white history sense of truth, but it’s definitely my lived experience which is arguably more valid than so called “His-Story” or “His Tory” or “Hiss! Tory!” [we get the picture – Ed] Google’s AI image generation would back me up. Anyway, is it really so wrong to teach people what should have happened if it advances the cause of equality? I’m sure editing the history of Britain to suggest Black people have been in charge since the Roman Empire won’t cause any unforeseen problems for the grievance narrative. Let’s not think too hard about it.