And lo, it came to pass that in the days that Bibi was ruling in the land of Israel, Donald son of Trump did visit the city of Jerusalem. “Nice place,” he said unto them. “Very nice.”
And the disciples of Bibi went unto him and said, Are you the one who was promised? And Donald answered them, “The skies are calm, the guns are silent, the sirens are still and the sun rises on a Holy Land that is finally at peace. A region that will live, God willing, in peace for all eternity.”
And the listening scribes said in their hearts, Truly, let’s see if they make it to the end of the week.
Donald spake unto them: “Like the USA right now, it will be the golden age of Israel and the golden age of the Middle East.” For in that time, it was the practice of all these places to use troops against unarmed civilians, and Donald looked at this and it seemed good to him.
And there were in that place journalists, keeping watch over their stories, and behold, Donald appeared unto them, saying: “This is not only the end of war, this is the end of an age of terror, the beginning of the age of faith and hope and of God.” And they were sore afraid, because they knew this meant he’d gone off script and started rambling.
In those days no one knew what he was going to sayeth next
And they said, Come, let us go and see this thing that has happened. And another said, No rush, he’s never going to finish in under an hour. And behold, it was as that one had said.
For by now, Donald was just saying unto them whatever came into his head: “We have weapons that nobody has ever dreamt of. We make the best weapons in the world, we’ve got a lot of them and we’ve given a lot to Israel. I mean Bibi would call me so many times, ‘Can you get me this weapon, that weapon, some of them I never heard of.’ But we would get them here, they are the best. But you use them well.” And Rubio that was called L’il Marco said unto himself I don’t think this is the line we agreed.
And rulers came from the Middle East, and from Europe, saying Where is the one that has brought peace to the world? For we have seen his posts on Truth Social, or at least when someone reposted them on X, the social media site formerly known as Twitter.
And Donald answered them: “This week with the ceasefire we have achieved in the most challenging breakthrough of them all. Most challenging breakthrough maybe ever. I’ve never seen anything like it. Been involved in lots of success, never seen anything like what’s going on today all over the world. People are dancing in the streets.” For in those days no one knew what he was going to sayeth next.
And Donald spake unto his disciples: “This long difficult war has now ended. Some people say 3,000 years. Some people say 500 years. Whatever. The granddaddy of them all.” And the disciples said, one unto another, If it kicks off again, I’m not going to be the one that tells him.
And he said unto them, “I like calling it the Ah-braham Accords. It’s so cool. It is so much more impressive. The Abraham versus the Ah-braham.” And the people whispered unto Ivanka, Verily, it’s sad when their minds start to go, is it not? And Ivanka said in her heart, Has Dad just speculated on the state of my marriage live on global television? For he had gone off on another of his riffs.
And Donald spake unto the multitude: “I said — what kind of a plane do you fly? 747? I said, that’s a large plane.” And he said this knowing that he must wrap things up, for it was time for the flight to Egypt.
