Fox and Friends
The actor Laurence Fox, who became an unlikely anti-woke icon after a Question Time appearance, says he was recently phoned by a group of actors who threatened his career. The 42-year-old actor, best known for playing a Detective in TV drama Lewis, deduced that the caller was in a group because they put him on loudspeaker and told everyone else in the room to “shhh!”. But did the Fox escape the trap? The actor turned activist told the Telegraph that the call just “empowered” him. He is now in the process of starting a political party called ‘Reclaim’ to fight the culture war. Why not see what you can do with teleconferencing friends staging an intervention? Every crisis is an opportunity for someone. At the time of pressing post on this article, The Critic still has not heard a response from Romeo Coates about whether he has agreed to be deputy leader. A brief holding statement simply said, ‘is it scale, love?’

Legally not blonde
One of Britain’s biggest investment companies has demanded that all FTSE 100 companies hire a non-white director by 2022. Legal & General, which owns up to 3% of every British blue-chip firm, has informed them that it will vote against companies that still have an all-white board by the deadline. Many stuck-in-the-mud conservatives may be wondering boring, pedantic things like, ‘is this even legal?’ But now that the City is pushing the woke agenda all by themselves we really see the strength of those libertarian arguments that tell us “the government mustn’t ever tell businesses what they can and cannot do”.

Don’t spray it
If you’d watched the celebrations of Essex after they won the Bob Willis Trophy on Sunday you would have been appalled, unless of course you’re a hateful bigot. Sajid Patel, a co-founder of the National Cricket League in Essex is at risk of understating the hateful crime when he described the incident as “diabolical” and lacking “cultural awareness”. What was the heinous offence? The players sprayed bottles of champagne around, some of which ended up on the head of a muslim player. Patel, who gave a long quote to the BBC, said it left him “speechless”. What’s more distressing is that the player who was cruelly assaulted, Feroze Khushi, actually appears to be enjoying himself and is pictured on the BBC article with a big grin on his face. This only goes to show how important it is for other people to take offence on his behalf. Truly champagnesplaining is where the cause of progress is at.

Don’t think outside the box
Channel 4 told the scriptwriter Graham Linehan they are throwing an episode of The IT Crowd down the memory hole after they received endless complaints from trans activists about it. I’m sorry, it genuinely caused sincere angst amongst many people, several of whom were almost certainly not fanatical ideologues. The hateful episode: ‘The Speech’, which Channel 4 sadly admit even they find funny, sees Douglas, the boss of the firm, start a relationship with somebody who used to be a man. Hilarity transphobia ensues when Douglas ends up in a physical fight with her in which she throws him through a wall. TV bosses told him they are preventing it from being streamed because “the episode ultimately risks appearing to endorse the view that trans women are in fact men”. Linehan intolerantly ranted that the broadcaster “didn’t even seem to be aware of my position in the debate”. Which only goes to show that the witch needed to be ducked in even deeper water. Sometimes you wonder why we pay the pensions of people like OFCOM?

The noble ommiter
The BBC report that Glasgow City Football Club will wear Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s name on their kit this season to honour the “feminist icon and role model”. Aside from the fact there is no link an undeniable bond between a dead liberal US Supreme Court Justice and Glasgow City, the national broadcaster, I mean, oppressive English state propaganda organ [do I mean this? please check, this stuff is hard], displayed its supremely virtuous credentials by not mentioning in their tweet that it was the women’s team who will wear the holy garment. Because who on earth would have assumed otherwise? Who doesn’t think Glasgow City women’s team when they hear Glasgow City soccer football team? The Critic is glad to be on the justice train here too. We can’t honestly say, ‘it’s what she would have wanted’, but then she probably was a terrible prejudiced old Karen in many ways which will soon reveal themselves to have always been the case. There’s definitely that to look forward to.