This hacked inbox is taken from the February 2025 issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Right now we’re offering five issues for just £10.
From: Sharpe, Dylan (CCHQ) Hey mate, we’d like to offer you 10 mins on camera with Kemi. We’re positioning her into this year as a Courageous Truth Speaker, someone who’s not afraid who she upsets or how unpopular her message is.
From: Edward Sumner — Reform Hi Robert, Yes, Nigel would love to speak to ITV. He has a window next Thursday when he’ll be changing planes at Heathrow. If you can meet him off the Florida flight, he can give you 20 minutes in the First Class lounge before he boards for Kuala Lumpur (he’s giving a keynote). His rate is £1k per hour or part thereof, payment to the Swiss account.
From: Sharpe, Dylan (CCHQ) Excellent. Let’s fix a time. Key lines: army should be bigger, NHS should be better, taxes and borrowing should be lower. And she doesn’t care who knows it. But you can ask what you like.
From: James.Lyons@No10 Hope you had a good break. We’re still working on softening Keir’s image. Have I mentioned he’s learning to do magic?
From: Sharpe, Dylan (CCHQ) Except that.
From: Edward Sumner — Reform It’s not a problem for GB News to pay, so I really don’t see why it should be for you.
From Ben.Nunn@HMT Look, Rachel’s point is that whatever bond traders are telling you, her officials are very clear that gilt yields shouldn’t be rising, so we’d really appreciate it if you’d stop reporting that they are.
From: Sharpe, Dylan (CCHQ) Yeah, or that. But anything else.
From: Edward Sumner — Reform Well if Ofcom think that, I can’t imagine why they haven’t mentioned it to us. But I guess your lawyers know what they’re doing. What if instead of payment you let Nigel do three minutes on the terrific investment opportunities he sees in crypto?
From: James.Lyons@No10 Mate, it might not sound impressive to you, but until you’ve seen a 62-year-old lawyer make a tennis ball disappear from under a coffee cup, you haven’t lived.
From: Sharpe, Dylan (CCHQ) No, no, I don’t think we want to get into that, either. Look, let me come back to you.
…as hacked by Robert Hutton
