This article is taken from the March 2024 issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Right now we’re offering five issues for just £10.

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I am deeply disturbed to see that Transport for London has unveiled six new overground lines and not one of them is named after Greta Thunberg (Peace Be Upon Her).

What exactly is Sadiq Khan playing at? Don’t get me wrong: I applaud Sadiq’s efforts to remove offensive advertisements from the Tube, and the way that he manages to lecture Londoners for being racist through the medium of fireworks.

But these new overground lines are not sufficiently progressive. They are called: the Lioness Line, the Mildmay Line, the Windrush Line, the Weaver Line, the Suffragette Line and the Liberty Line. Why not name at least one of them after the brave people of colour who have overcome systemic racism to achieve their goals? Why not the Martin Luther King Line? Or the Maya Angelou Line? Or the Taliban Line?

I never use public transport because Daddy always has an extra Bentley available, but I do think it’s an excellent opportunity to educate the working classes about social justice. For instance, I have often seen trains and buses painted in the colours of the Progress Pride flag, which not only reminds everyone to support LGBTQ+ rights, but also dispels the myth that gay people are able to colour-coordinate.

But some of these new train lines are so offensive that they beggar belief. The “Windrush Line” is named after a slave ship that brought innocent West Indians to the UK: the most racist country on earth. The “Suffragette Line” is named after a TERF terrorist group from the early twentieth century who wore frilly bonnets and set fire to horses or something. And as for the “Mildmay” Line … well, I don’t know what that means, but it’s probably got something to do with golliwogs.

The “Lioness Line” is the most problematic of all. It refers to a women’s football team that purports to represent the country, and yet it is comprised exclusively of slim and athletic players. Around 63 per cent of adults in this country are either overweight or obese, so why aren’t they represented?

We’d probably lose a lot more games, but at least it would send a positive message.