Putin up with cancel culture

In the end, you have to ignore the haters. Or shoot them

Pundit Press is delighted to announce a new addition to its Autumn line-up. To many, Vladimir Putin is one of the most successful politicians alive, a man whose unique way of reaching out to Russian voters has kept him in office for more than two decades. But beneath his famously immovable face, he’s a man who thinks deeply about the decadence of the immoral West, and the way it has descended into obsessing over pronouns when it should be preparing to feed the soil with the blood of patriots.

Now, in his first book for 20 years, Vladimir takes on the rootless cosmopolitans, the citizens of nowhere and the traitors of the nation, and offers advice for young men everywhere struggling to find an identity as their strength is sapped by liberalism and foie gras.

Here we can share for the first time some extracts from the book that’s going to make this a very well-read October: Twelve Rules For Staying Living.

Rule One: Rotate Your Tyres!

So many young men today ask: “Why is my all-terrain multiple rocket-launcher stuck in this field?” My reply: Stop blaming others! Stop whining that you’ve been issued with Yellow Sea YS20 tyres when the requisition form stated Belshina-95s! It’s not manly to blame so-called corrupt suppliers with links to the Kremlin! Take a bit of responsibility! Did YOU rotate the tyres and move the trucks regularly round the parking lot, as ordered, or were you slacking off on social media?

I have long been a fan of JK Rowling’s stories about plucky boy wizard Tom Riddle

Rule Three: But When Is International Men’s Day?

I will tell you: every day is the day for men who wish to travel internationally to places that in one sense are abroad but in another sense have definitely always been part of the greater Russia. But only if they are real men, who don’t go on about how they were told it was a training exercise and that they haven’t eaten for two weeks.

Rule Four: Avada Kedavra!

You never hear about JK Rowling these days, are you? And you know why? It is because of the weak-minded liberals, who have removed her books from the shelves and her videos from the rental shops. I have long been a fan of her stories about plucky boy wizard Tom Riddle, and his battle to overcome the effeminate mud-bloods who don’t understand the obligations of real power. His rise from lowly orphan to Dark Lord has been a personal inspiration to me. I haven’t tried the detective books, though. Do you know if they are any good?

Rule Nine: Respect Our History

Everywhere I look, people are tearing down statues and renaming things. Enough is enough, I say. You can’t just get rid of a statue of Stalin because your politically correct historians have decided he was responsible for millions of deaths. And what was wrong with the name “Leningrad”? So the guy went a bit far sometimes. Which of us hasn’t had our opponents killed? I advocate a policy of “retain and explain”. For instance, I would like to retain the Dombass region and I will explain that it is my right to do so.

Rule Twelve: Set Your Own Goals

You can always find people who will judge you and tell you what you’re trying to do. Sometimes people say to me that I’m trying to capture Kyiv and overthrow the Ukrainian government. You have to be strong and listen to your inner voice, and then tell them: “No, that tank column was only ever a diversionary manoeuvre to allow me achieve my real goal, which was to highlight the dangers of Western cancel culture.” In the end, you have to ignore the haters. Or shoot them.

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Other topics Vladimir covers include: “The National Trust — has it moved its borders too close to Russia?”; “Do any lives matter except mine?”; and “Critical Race Theory: The Slavs are the critical race, and that’s not just a theory”.  

The book will be accompanied by an exciting promotional campaign (or, as we call them at Pundit Press, a “special marketing operation”) which we are hopeful will get the book all the way into shops, rather than stuck in trucks miles from their destination.

Twelve Rules For Staying Living isn’t just for Russians, although they would really be well-advised to buy it the day it comes out. It’s for anyone whose country shares a border with Russia, too.

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