It comes around quicker every year! Holy Pride month is upon us and the police have been doing their bit to highlight their political bent by turning up at Chichester Pride in a rainbow car. Normally we expect our institutions to be rigorously non-political, except when it’s totally non-controversial things like a gendered soul. Probably down to Tory-cuts, nobody was around to stop the untrained social media officer who tweeted the picture from engaging with the bigots who thought it was somehow a “waste of money” and “inappropriate”. Anti-trans-baiter “Ripx4Nutmeg” complained each car cost a whopping bargain £1112 to paint and then have the paint removed after the festive period. Well, acktually, the paint on this car never comes off and the vehicle is used in active policing, so — revealed the sassy police intern — the cost of £350 works out at less than 1p each for the population of Sussex, you penny-pinching homophobes! Unless you’re a bigot, there is really nothing that would help get you over the loss of a loved one more than the police turning up to deliver the news in their gay Mystery Machine.

Unicorn diarrhoea
Perhaps it’s the recent nice weather, but I’ve been dismayed to see a lack of rainbows on corporate Twitter accounts during this Holy Month. The Cabinet Office changed their pictures to rainbows on Monday, but then disgustingly put the old one back again on Tuesday! Apart from that, not even Brighton Council have added their pictorial support for sexual deviance. I know actual Pride Day is always the first Sunday after the first full Moon seven weeks after the spring equinox, but isn’t the whole month supposed to be a fun-filled family-friendly feast for freaky fornication? 

Pride comes before a school
One can only be grateful that Kemi Badenoch is too busy arguing with journalists to stop the BBC from queering our children. Can you imagine what would happen if they didn’t show young kids videos of non-binary dancers sharing their experiences of prejudice? Or if Blue Peter wasn’t creating tutorials on how to apply Pride-themed make-up? They’d grow up without the fundamental grievance mindset needed to make it in any public sector institution. Universities will do their bit, but without some careful early guidance could they ever talk about “heteronormative privilege” convincingly enough to get past a Phd funding committee?

#DrainThePrejudice!
Not content to force out one British Ambassador to the US, Steven Edgelord has launched a crusade to remove his replacement Dame Karen Pierce, pouring anti-progressive bile on her for spending £50,000 on LGBT parties and parades in the last two years. I for one am proud that we sponsored a mural of “a bouquet of rainbow flowers cascading down from an iconic British telephone booth” in Washington. Because there’s nothing so quintessentially British as red phone boxes and stains we’re just not going to investigate too closely.

Big loser. Sad!
It was excellent to hear about Orange Man’s conviction this week. Under Obama [shouldn’t that be Biden? — Ed] , we know the US justice system is free and fair, so why is the GOP claiming that result proves the US is akin to a yellow-fruit growing Central American nation without a monarchy? The United States is only the 96th largest producer of bananas — why is fruit production and the lack of a king something the GOP are so obsessed with? And how does it relate to Biden convicting a Presidential rival? Racism? Probably racism. 

Great Leap Forward
Mercilessly purging your factional rivals is obviously a left-wing trait. Just look at how Stalin and Mao silently de-selected their enemies. So when Sir Keith removes his rivals, does this actually make him truly left-wing, even if his factional rivals are left-wing? Not to get too hung up, sorry, “de-selected” about it, but Diane Abbott is a fan of Mao Zedong who managed to un-person about 50 million of his enemies, once telling a baffled sinophobic Michael Portillo: “some people would judge that on balance Mao did more good than harm”. So you’d have thought she’d be at least sympathetic to her leader’s decision to purge her from the contest. But now that Sir Keith has shown enormous weakness magnanimity by letting her stand (obviously the rigorous internal procedures of Labour are not influenced by grubby media questions) does this now make him a soppy centrist who can’t even get rid of the last vestiges of Corbyn’s forgetful front-bench*? [shouldn’t that be forgettable? — Ed] Maybe she doesn’t even want to stand for a Labour leader that can’t even purge properly? Catch-22 has got nothing on this. Also please remember that Diane is black, which — we’re told by Radio 4 presenters — is a really important part of the story, but we’re not allowed to know why. Everything is so difficult when the evil Tories aren’t involved. Someone tell us what we’re supposed to think!

[*] Sir Keith was never part of Corbyn’s front bench. You are mistaken.