Critic Columnist Suspended

Our fearless woke columnist has been mistaken for an evil right-wing satirist

Scullionbait

David Scullion chronicles the inroads of cultural Marxists, the woke, the right-on, and all the virtue signalling rest


Comedy must fall
Several accounts critical of woke philosophy have been taken down or suspended from Twitter in the last few days including esteemed Critic columnist Titania McGrath. Titania and the Babylon Bee, a US conservative satire site were both temporarily locked out, but other satirical accounts –  Jarvis Dupont, Guy Verhoftwat, Tolerance Police, Liberal Larry and Sir Lefty Farr-Right QC all remain suspended. Sir Lefty revealed that the reason given for his suspension was ‘platform manipulation and dissemination of spam’. It appears the revolution will not be satirised.

The boys in pink
Norfolk ­Constabulary told a woman inquiring about a role in the force that the job “would not be ­suitable” for her ­because of her “gender critical” views. The candidate, a serving police officer of 16 years, was rejected by Norfolk after conducting a test of 26 police forces to see if they would tolerate her views. When applying she mentioned that she didn’t think a person could ­physically transition to the opposite sex. In addition to Norfolk, another force in the South East said her views did not constitute “the behaviours [sic] expected” and an application “would be not successful”. There might not be a bobby on the beat but at least the Thought Police never sleep. Especially in HR. There are a lotta potential crimes there.

Accidental Satire
After Roger Law, the co-creator of satire show Spitting Image, promised that the planned reboot will be “more outrageous, audacious and salacious”, the writing team became tied up in knots over how best to satirise black people in the era of woke. The show, which ended in the 90s is relaunching on doomed exciting new streaming service Britbox, but the team behind it are now wrangling over whether non-black actors should be allowed to play the likes of Meghan Markle and Kanye West, and even whether white satirists should be allowed to write their lines. I don’t need to worry, this stuff writes itself. Though perhaps the original 80s Spitting Image would have brought Mrs Thatcher down if they had voiced her by a woman, instead of, oh so troublingly, he-voicing her with a man? It can be very hard to know quite which crimes the past is committing now.

Positive waves
Celebrity woke driver Lewis Hamilton, who once refused to share the private jet of F1 drivers and bought his own instead, has now seen the error of his ways and took the day off from his busy schedule vroom! vroom! vroooooming! high-powered cars on Tuesday to ponder how “oceans and forest’s [sic] [are] being destroyed”. His tweet was accompanied by a video of him driving a speedboat with his dog, but after sending us all “positive waves” the right-on sportsman was cruelly mocked by question-time panelist and Lewis actor Laurence Fox who tweeted out an identical message and posted a similar video of himself in slow motion on a boat, which somehow looked much better. It’s good to know Harrovians can do their bit for the struggle too.

Hideous racism

What they smoking
Totally normal customer Kusi Kimani has accused Marks & Spencer of “covert racism” after discovering a brown bra on its website had been labelled “tobacco”. Ms Kimani told Mirror Online: “I saw it about two weeks after George Floyd’s death and it was particularly raw to see at that time.” If you’re still baffled what’s actually offensive, Ms Kimani said it was the negative connotations of tobacco that could offend “a young girl who is already uncomfortable with the colour of her skin”. As anybody knows, children always hate doing the things they’re told not to do like smoking, and they don’t – you know – think it’s totally cool.

Guardian of doublethink
Guido Fawkes has noted the contrast between the Guardian running editorials attacking Donald Trump’s mooted plan to delay the Presidential election, compared to the muted response to the cancelled London Mayoral elections and the praise dealt out to New Zealand’s Prime Minister. When Trump says it, the Guardian rages that it’s fascist but when right-on New Zealand leader Jacinda Ardern actually does delay the general election for a month she’s being “magnanimous and conciliatory” according to Graun columnist Bryce Edwards. These things are all very simple if you think clearly enough about them and don’t let intolerance cloud your mind.

BLM vs Statue pt. 2346

Outraged protesters

Outraged BLM protesters gathered outside a museum in London after staff at The Geffrye Museum of the Home refused to tear down a statue of Sir Robert Geffrye, since Geffrye’s wealth was partly derived from the forced labour of enslaved Africans. In a statement the museum committed itself to discriminating against white people when they hire their staff and will remove the ‘Geffrye’ part of their name, but middle-aged, face-mask clad, white demonstrators with Socialist Worker Party placards could not believe that the museum, housed in former almshouses funded by Robert Geffrye, would not go further and tear down his hateful metallic likeness (or possibly Terminator-style robo-prejudice-armour: it’s best not to take any chances here). Labour councillor Soraya Adejere helpfullytweeted: “I’m not about to send my child to a venue where she has to look up to an image which represents cruelty, oppression and subjugation.” We can only hope the adorable tyke is never confronted with the pyramids. Which were almost certainly built over one hundred years ago by bowtie-wearing, pipe-smoking, middle aged white men who dress for dinner in the desert even though it’s clearly very hot there, and cruelly laugh when their native servants bring them the wrong wine with their fish course.

Has Rhodes fallen?
No.

Keep them coming. Email [email protected] to send in more examples of wokery

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