So the race for the Democratic Party nomination is finally at an end, and our hopes now lie with Joe Biden. It goes without saying that Donald Trump is a greater threat to humanity than the coronavirus, and for him to seek re-election through a national democratic process is the oldest trick in the fascist playbook.

In light of recent allegations of sexual misconduct against Biden, I must emphasise that I believe all women, all the time, under all circumstances. In the #MeToo era, there is no excuse for doubting the lived experience of female victims. Except when it comes to those who are accusing Biden, who are clearly just lying stooges for the Trump administration.

I do understand why many have their reservations about Biden. I too have seen the photographs and footage of him sniffing women’s hair in public. However, it is clear to me that he was only ever doing so in order to ensure that they were not scented in such a way as to entice sexual predators like Trump.

As the New York Times noted in a tweet: “We found no pattern of sexual misconduct by Biden, beyond hugs, kisses and touching that women previously said made them uncomfortable.”

The New York Times deleted the tweet soon after posting it, which I’m assuming was an accident. But it cannot be denied that if you ignore all the unsolicited hugging, kissing and touching, it is clear that Biden has never engaged in unsolicited hugging, kissing and touching.

As much as I’m rooting for Biden, I will admit that I consider it a great shame that the Democrats didn’t opt for Elizabeth Warren. After all, this is the woman who pledged to enlist a nine-year-old trans child to veto the appointment of her Secretary of Education.

After the disaster of Trump’s presidency, surely the best way to restore the dignity of the White House is to delegate all important political decisions to genderfluid prepubescents.

It goes without saying that voting for Trump is simply not a credible option. Quite frankly, I’d rather fellate a pangolin.