This article is taken from the April 2025 issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Right now we’re offering five issues for just £10.
From: James.Lyons@No10
We’re looking to do a few things around War Leader Keir. Fancy coming to watch him drive a tank? Pictures have to be Maggie, not Dukakis. Salisbury Plain, Monday week?
From: [email protected]
Are people really interested in who Kemi is friends with in America? That’s all a bit distant, isn’t it? Sure, she’s met a few of them, but who hasn’t? Can’t we focus on our domestic agenda, once we’ve worked out what it is?
From: [email protected]
Look, we can go through all this yawnsville nonsense if you like, but it’s not a real goosestep if the right leg doesn’t go above the height of the left knee.
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From: [email protected]
Totally! I’ve met JD like two or three times for absolutely ages. He’s a real soulmate. Not Trump, sadly. Or Elon, but here’s hoping. He’s doing such a fantastic job, just what we need here — only we need it more! As Keith Joseph said, you can’t grow an economy without crashing planes.
From: Rupert.Lowe@Parliament
You’re cordially invited to the launch of Britain’s newest political party, Reform². Or Reform-Reform. Let’s Take Back Reform!
From: Ben.Nunn@HMT
It’s ridiculous and untrue to suggest we’re withholding money from the military. I bet there are loads of armies that can only drive their tanks on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
From: [email protected]
Mate, I’ve told you before that all questions for Kemi should come through me. It just confuses things when you go direct.
From: [email protected]
Dear Supporter, Only weeks into office, our vice president is already reshaping not just America but the wider world! From his speech someplace in Germany to his total owning of that Ukrainian loser in the Oval Office, JD is showing what a government can achieve if its sole focus is triggering the libs. He’s building alliances, too, like his friendship with Britain’s Kevin Badenpowell (this is a funny name for a gal — are you sure it’s right, boss?) Now he needs your help to get to the next stage. Simply text “FREEDOM” to 555-32028 to donate $100.
From: James.Lyons@No10
Actually, it’ll have to be Tuesday. Apparently they can’t do Mondays. Not sure why.
