After the hit Netflix series Adolescence exposed the hidden dangers of young white boys from two-parent families browsing Instagram, the British government discovered the tremendous explanatory power of fictional TV dramas (or, as Prime Minister Starmer likes to call them, “documentaries”).
Soon, hundreds of millions of pounds were being invested into the production of more homegrown TV series to promote British values and soft power. The Critic has managed to get hold of a sneak preview of forthcoming dramas.
The Club
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In a Peckham youth club, Gary keeps young men off the streets and out of gangs. When the local MP threatens to pull his funding, though, Gary fears that his young attendees will put their footballs down and pick up knives. Can the community keep the club afloat and the borough safe? (Idris Elba stars.)
Essential
Amid the chaos unleashed by the Omicron variant, a veteran nurse, Ella, struggles to keep her patients alive and her mental health intact. The British public clapped for carers, but they don’t care enough to stay at home and protect the NHS. When Long COVID strikes, will Ella have anyone to care for her?
Scapegoat
As a series of jihadi attacks hit landmarks and entertainment venues across London, Riz and Sakeena fear an anti-Muslim backlash. With every ISIS bombing, the potential for bigoted abuse creeps closer. When Sakeena faces an Islamophobic microaggression at work, she is forced to wonder who the real terrorists are.
Rights and Wrongs
Adam is a human rights lawyer working on behalf of a French campaign to decolonise the Channel Islands. When the populist leader of the “Return” party calls him an “oikophobic twat” Adam finds himself as the centre of a campaign against the rule of law itself. Can he resist social media hate to uphold the sacred value of procedure and decolonise Guernsey once and for all? (Eddie Marsan stars.)
Fake News
Mary Anna Summer is a young disinformation journalist struggling to protect the truth against online bots and trolls. When she uncovers a plot to publish anti-Starmer tweets anonymously, she becomes the target of assassination attempts from fiendish tech billionaire Nole Kums and Russian dictator Adolf Stalin. (Loosely based on the life of Marianna Spring.)
Stakeholders
When a fiendish local entrepreneur wants to build a swimming pool on a disused scrapyard two miles from local vicar Richard’s house, he has tangled with the wrong cleric. Richard leads the local community in a heroic attempt to thwart his evil schemes with planning regulations and protect their beloved disused scrapyard.
Equal
Primary school teaching assistant Diane is horrified to learn that local binmen are being paid marginally more than she is. Diane leads her fellow activists in a campaign against the injustice of being paid marginally less than people who scrape soiled tissues and used condoms off the bottom of communal bins. Watch out for Equal II, in which Diane wonders why there is so much rubbish in the streets. (Olivia Colman stars.)
The Bear
When populist demagogue Moe Slee inexplicably wins a general election, it falls to a beloved anthropomorphised bear to lead the Armed Forces in a benign coup to reestablish everything that Paddington, and the UK, stands for.
These dramas will be shown in Parliament, schools, hospitals, hubs, churches, retirement homes, football stadiums and reeducations centres. Failure to binge them will be severely punished.
