Portcullis

I’m not going to panic because I don’t do that anymore

I feel like you’re being sabotaged by your inner saboteur

Once, twice, three times a briefing

Are thrice weekly Downing Street briefings finally about to start giving us reasons to be cheerful?

Is Boris immune to Tory MPs?

The Kent Covid is moving the goalposts

Optimism ain’t what it used to be

Hopeless is as hopeless does

It’ll all be ended by Christmas

Don’t say ‘Protect the NHS’ three times in front of a mirror

You’ll grow tired of the Brexiting

Maybe Theresa won after all?

Presser is not short for presents

Imagine an Advent calendar with nothing behind the numbers, forever

That’s it then

Cancel the kitchen scraps for Hanbury and Serco

Cancel this

I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye

You better watch out, you better not cry

You better not pout, I’m telling you why