Only racists are rushing to condemn the jailing of a British grandmother, Julie Sweeney, who made explosives, planted them, and detonated a mosque in Cheshire full of peaceful worshipers, killing several and leaving a smoking ruin. Well, in fairness — not that she deserves any — she didn’t source the explosives herself. But she still deserves jail, ok? All right, maybe there weren’t actually any explosives, but it’s still really bad. And maybe there was no attack, and nobody died, and actually, to be honest, I don’t think the 53-year-old even left her house. But Sweeney did write on Facebook — on Facebook! — Calling for a mosque to “be blown up with the adults inside” which is nearly as bad, right? I totally believe that the woman, who apparently hadn’t been in trouble before, would have carried out her dreadful threat if she hadn’t been looking after her sick husband. Oh, apparently even the prosecution said they didn’t think she would have taken part in any violence. But we all know words are literal violence. The defence lawyer claimed she was the primary carer for her husband, and had lived a “quiet, sheltered life in Cheshire”. Well that’s no defence at all! This is Britain and we don’t make allowances for that kind of thing. A crying Sweeney said “thank you, your honour”, before she was jailed for 15 months. You can cry two tiers, but this is Britain, and we will not make allowances just because you’re white British. 

And now for something completely different
I’m so relieved that the man who beat his own daughter with a 30 cm metal bar outside her school was spared jail after she told the court she still loved him. It might seem like an indiscretion on his part, but loving father Hussein Alinz (59) thought she had turned up early for her GCSE exam to [TRIGGER WARNING] meet a boy. And she had make-up on, which all but proves the offence (no smokey-eyes without fire). In court it emerged that she was only wearing make-up on the advice of her mother to cover up bruises from his previous attack, but let’s not get into the weeds of what is clearly a ethnic cultural context that we can’t possibly understand. I mean, the girl only briefly lost consciousness and suffered a measly 14 injuries including what could have, or might not have been, a bite mark to the left temple. And she was even well enough to sit her English exam (She had to leave after feeling dizzy and sick but that was probably just nerves). Apparently there were previous “threats” made by the father over the preceding two years like “I will kill you” and “I hope you die”, but this is just part of the intensely loving but jocular Asian child-rearing culture that is alien to most of us. The girl compounded her crimes by saying she felt safe after her father was arrested, but thankfully went on to show some remorse by adding: “I felt guilty that I brought shame on my family”. The only sad part is that anyone found out, and the father is now living separately from her and most of his 7 children. Imagine how much happier the whole community would have been if the British state hadn’t intervened? At least they showed some modicum of cultural understanding by not banging him up. Before we reach for hateful slurs like “Tier Starmer”, it’s important for us, and the so-called “British authorities” to understand the cultural context of some so-called “crimes” before enacting any heavy-handed reactions. 

Deconstructionism
Welsh Librarians have been told to avoid meetings in racist buildings as part of new training to eradicate systemic racism by 2030, which will presumably be the year the principality removes its nativist road signage. What is a racist building anyway? You may racistly ask. 

Well bigot, here’s my handy guide.

• Is the building named after anybody who was around during the slave trade? (Racist — Why didn’t they stop the slave trade?)
•  Is the building named after a famous person who had a father with holdings in slave companies? (Racist — Polluted blood lines)
• Has a grandmother ever used the building to post hatred of Muslims on Facebook? (Very racist — The building must go to jail)

The Welsh government has blacklisted, (Or perhaps whitelisted?) dozens of buildings, from pubs to community centres for their links to slavery and colonialism. It even added the entire village of Nelson in Caerphilly to an early version of the Diversity Doomsday. Anti-racist grifters experts say official meetings should only be held in over-budget, nihilist PFI constructions that did not exist before the Equality Act was introduced — something like that anyway. Initiatives like this fill me with confidence that we’re building a less racist society, as we un-build the very racist Welsh mining society that existed before (Let’s face it, half the jobs used to be in underground blackface entertainment). Viva la Deconstructionism! No stone left unturned!