Thankfully, Labour Home Secretary Yvette Cooper is hoping to bring back non-crime hate incidents in a big way. NCHIs help to plug the gap in things that we want to be illegal, but haven’t actually been legislated against. For example, Wiltshire police used to record gender critical tweets as “hate incidences” — and I hope they can do so again with impunity. You may say adding non-crimes, or “pre-crimes” to people’s criminal records is Orwellian, to which I say, that’s absolute balderdash. Pre-crimes are not Orwellian, they are actually Dickensian. i.e. from Philip K. Dick’s Minority Report, not George Orwell’s 1984. (Both great instruction manuals though). Former Home Secretary, Cruella Braverman, ordered police forces not to record an NCHI if it would have a “chilling effect” on “lawful debate, humour, satire and personally held views”. So the current policy reversal is a relief. Police Forces don’t want to use “discretion”, or understand “nuance”. They certainly don’t want to investigate “burglaries”. They want to sit in a warm office all day nip crime in the bud, the bud being located in social cyberspace. Which lag hasn’t started a life of wanton crime by posting “stabbing is cool!” or “shoplifting rulez OK!!!!1″ on the internet and — emboldened at finding that the police do nothing — began committing the criminal acts in the real world? Obviously these examples are for illustration purposes, we all know the real crimes are JK Rowling tweets about chromosomes.

Green fragility
I’m revolted that a publisher has bowed to the cancel-culture mob, and pulled an amazing education resource for bigoted children. An Irish school book that depicts a white Irish family as potato-munching xenophobes who also eat “bacon and cabbage every day”, “do not like change or difference” and tell their children off for mixing with people with a different religion, are compared unfavourably with a mixed-race “part-Irish, part-Romanian and part-Dutch” family who eat curry, pizza and asian food, and love meeting people from all over the world. The book helps to gently instruct Irish school kids to hate themselves be more cosmopolitan, concluding that “when you get to know them, people are more alike than different.” It’s a rare occasion when I’m not in total agreement with terrorists, but Sinn Fein have criticised the book, saying that it presented “caricatures of Irish families” that had “been depicted in racist tropes for generations”. Having only been born yesterday, I am shocked that the nationalist party — whose name literally means “ourselves” — are not genuine fellow travellers of CRT and the social justice movement, and don’t hate white people as much as I’d thought. Hang on, I need to clarify something to avoid being done for libel, obviously they hate lots of white people, just not those white people.

FOIbles
When is a law not a real law? When Labour are in Government of course!* The Information Commissioner — who tells off naughty public bodies if they don’t reply to Freedom of Information Act requests — has kindly allowed the Home Office to avoid answering one about the costs of furnishing a block of flats for asylum seekers. They say the public interest was outweighed by the need for the 346 asylum seekers in Hampshire to be protected from protests and risks to their health and safety. Allegedly the apartments include flat-screen TVs and satellite televisions but, although I agree that laws like the FOI Act should only be enforced on Conservative governments, I do think the Guardian at least should be told which, if any, streaming services the migrants have been given because having Netflix, iPlayer and Disney+ accounts are the absolute minimum to maintain freedom from inhuman or degrading treatment.

* I joke, of course. The ICO are totally allowed to decide this, and we should be so grateful that the deep state has the discretion to hide the things hateful Critic readers like you would froth at.

PC Pronoun
The foundation of a healthy, and sensible society is a belief that the state always knows better than the parent. First, social workers are actually paid to care about children, so there is no ulterior motive. Second, they follow what trendy charities like Mermaids or Stonewall think far more than the parents, who are just focussed on trivial things like making kids clean their teeth. If you can get over the fact that she’s an evil Terf on the wrong side of history, Critic contributor Julie Bindel has a new podcast out called Julie In Genderland, which highlights the fantastic work done by state agencies against meddling parents who won’t affirm the identity of their children. She spoke to a couple with two autistic teenage daughters who discovered they were transgender during lockdown when they were spending all their time online. (Lockdown saved their life twice!) The couple were offered family therapy by the NHS at which the therapist discovered the real issue was the parents weren’t using the proper pronouns, and reported them to social service for “emotional abuse”. Another girl was secretly given puberty blockers without her parents’ knowledge. The thing you need to know about parents is that they’re selfish and would probably have stopped it because they wanted grandchildren. Sadly whilst we’re stuck with nuclear families we’ll still need state agencies to stop the madness of chromosome ideology.