This article is taken from the October issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Right now we’re offering three issue for just £5.

A great philosopher once observed that the destruction of words is a beautiful thing. I can’t remember her name, but I’m pretty sure she must have been a social justice activist of the most pioneering kind.

I was thrilled to see that TED — the company that runs all those online lectures — has decided henceforth to use “womxn” rather than the outdated word “women”. This is because “women” excludes non-cisgender people. And because transwomen are women, it’s essential that they have a different word to show that they are exactly the same.

Any words that uphold cisgender or patriarchal privilege are a form of hate speech. So instead of “boys” you should say “ungirls”, instead of “vagina” you should say “front hole”, and instead of “semen” you should say “hate syrup”.

The same principle applies to domestic pets. It’s important to avoid addressing dogs as “good boy” or “good girl”. This kind of gendered language is normalising the myth of canine sexual dimorphism, and delegitimises the lived experience of trans dogs.

By changing the way that people speak, we will be able to fix all the bad thoughts that exist inside people’s heads and achieve our woke utopia. The American news network CNN has joined our campaign, recently calling on “individuals with a cervix” to follow new guidelines for smear tests. This is far more inclusive. Had they used the word “women”, my friend Bruce would have felt totally alienated. After all, Bruce is very proud of his cervix.

Some so-called “feminists” have argued that by scrapping the word “women” from the language we are attempting to erase their identity. But we’ve already decided that there is no such thing as a “woman”, so what exactly is it that we’re meant to be erasing? We’re fighting for equality and empowerment here, so these Terf bitches need to shut their rancid mouths and do as they’re told.

Oh, and if anyone ever asks you how to pronounce “womxn”, just spit in their face. They deserve it. Also, the sound of phlegm being violently projected is pretty close to the correct pronunciation.