Mass confusion

The Conservative elites are no match for superheroines like Greta Thunberg and Charlotte Proudman

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology seems to be losing its faith by abandoning the requirement for the Critical Race Theory creed diversity statements to be made by people applying for faculty positions. President Sally Kornbluth made the decision with the support of the Provost, Chancellor — and most worryingly — the Vice President for Equity and Inclusion. What is the point of somebody with “Equity and Inclusion” in their job title if they aren’t trying to keep out normal people racists? In a statement they said “We can build an inclusive environment in many ways, but compelled statements impinge on freedom of expression, and they don’t work.” Eh? If it’s impinging on freedom of expression then it is working! These people are supposed to be clever.

The Tories, the Tories, the Tories
The evil racist homophobic bigots who have brought hard-right policies into Britain like introducing gay marriage, letting the EU run Northern Ireland, and giving immigrants holidays to sunny countries, have now made an even harder-right policy announcement that they will definitely do — scrapping all diversity jobs in government! The dangerous Conservative Party has threatened lots of racist things, but never, ever, have they told staff to sack diversity managers, or vowed to ditch civil service diversity jobs before. And if they had, they wouldn’t have briefed it to the Telegraph or the Sun, they would have just done it without telling anyone, and nobody would have found out unless a fearless Guardian reporter got wind of it. 

How dare you sing
We all know that global warming is indisputably the most important issue facing our planet, but a very close second is a Jewish woman singing in the Eurovision song contest. Which is why the teenage climate expert Greta Thunderbird donned a Keffiyeh and joined in the protest outside the venue in her home country of Sweden. Right-wing trolls have criticised this with hurtful words like “this proves it was never about the climate” but St. Greta has always been clear that the climate crisis is just part of a system of “colonialism, imperialism, oppression, genocide … racist, oppressive extractionism”. When you realise Israel won’t tell us the Co2 emissions of Iron Dome, it all starts to make sense.

Drain the swamp

A billion Indians are still governed in scenes like this

I despise the class-based privilege of gentlemen-only dining venus. As I was telling my old school chum in the East India Club last night: “this place stinks!”. But after we moved away from the loos, we overheard Rod Liddle, Douglas Murray and Charles Moore discussing their 5-year-plan for maintaining cultural hegemony over elite British institutions. “You see, I never really stopped being editor of Today,” Liddle was telling the plotters. “We guessed,” said Moore as he puffed on a cigar, “and I’ve got the head of the National Trust in my back pocket. Whenever my Spectator column is looking a bit thin, I order her to do a mad thing like cancel Christmas, or install a Confucius Institute inside the tea room at Chartwell.” “That’s nothing!”, exclaimed Murray. “You think there are really small boats crossing the channel with the government unable to do anything about it?” The two men looked at him with astonishment. “Out-of-work French actors in blackface! How else am I going to fill another book about immigrants for the gullible working classes?” This very real exchange we witnessed in one of the smoke-filled rooms where the empire is still run from, is why it’s so important that downtrodden female bores progressives like Barrister lady professor Charlotte Proudmxn KC QC, who single-handedly forced the all-male Garrick club to admit women, is allowed to join, so she can then destroy them. She’s even written a begging letter in the Independent which includes the line: Mummy says you have to let me join your stinky boys club”  [not quite, but close – Ed].

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