Cancel the train drivers

Brexiteers, transphobes, racists and right-wingers — but I repeat myself

Alt-Right troll Steve Sailer says that political correctness is a war on noticing, but if that’s true then how come the BBC’s Paul Clifton has noticed that train drivers are overwhelmingly middle-aged white men? On Twitter he was accused of “pushing anti-white stories” by Steven Edgelord, which is hilarious because the BBC is so unbiased it wouldn’t even call Hamas terrorists. The National Skills Academy for Rail (NSAR) said things were “heading in the right direction” which thankfully doesn’t mean more reliable or cheaper trains but “less pale drivers”. So choo on that, Steven.


Borders are back
You might think Britain couldn’t sink any lower, but if it did, the future teachers, professors and surgeons crammed onto the small boats leaving Calais would sail happily over our racist Atlantis and straight for the shores of neutral Ireland. Unfortunately Great Britain lives, and the Rwanda policy which can never actually get anybody onto a plane without paying them reparations, is indirectly sending the would-be brains-of-Britain to Ireland. 

But — and this is going to be hard to get your head around — the Irish don’t want them. Not because of the migrant tent city that sprang up in Dublin which smells of urine and excrement, but because of English racism. 

During Br*xit, (which still has negative consequences today, like the failure of this Sheridan Smith play to attract an audience) the UK very cleverly got the Irish to demand no border infrastructure with Ulster. By a voodoo ventriloquist trick the Foreign Office learnt from Haitian Witch Doctors in Empire-times, they made Irish negotiators say that even a single CCTV camera between NI and ROI could have exploded the fragile peace negotiated by St. Tony in 1998 between the IRA and the terrorists.

Then, in March of this year, Perfidious Albion tricked Ireland’s supreme court into declaring Britain an “unsafe country” to return undocumented rocket-scientists to, because of the evil Rwanda policy. 

Now, with no border checks and Dublin unable to send them back, immigrants are making their way to Ulster and hopping over the border to culturally enrich the Emerald Isle. The Irish are now hopping mad that they’ve been royally tricked by Rishi Cromwell and are trying to figure out how to reinstate the border.

Question: When will a border on the island of Ireland not damage the fragile peace process? 

Answer: When Britain’s not building it.

 If that answer doesn’t make sense, you must report yourself to a Home Office facility for processing.

T is for Trans
St Tony said his priorities as England’s elected King would be three words: “Education, Education, Education”. Call-me-Dave said his priorities would be just three letters: “NHS”. But we hope that Keith’s will be just one: “T”. 

No, it doesn’t stand for the hot beverage that Imperial Britain stole from China and brave colonials poured into Boston Harbour. It stands for the thing that definitely existed before the year 2010:  “Transgenderism”.

The awful conclusion of the Cass report seems to have given the government free reign to allow #OurNHS to be poisoned and have vital parts chopped off so that it becomes a mutilated form of the body which it was created to be. Back in the hay-day of Tory rule it had happily became the National Trans Service, with the Holy Temple of Tavistock performing the sacred rights of child sacrifice, but now we’re sadly going back to evil hateful pre-Tory times — no, wait that can’t be right, It’s the evil Tories now reversing the trans stuff that they encouraged? — Well anyway, on the NHS transphobic patients have now been given the right to request a person of the same biological sex to deliver intimate care. A right we are hoping is removed from them, like the abolished rights of Christians to pray silently outside of abortion clinics, and the scrapped rights of foreign tissue inside of human reproductive organs to live. The Government is also proposing a law which would require new restaurants, public toilets, shopping centres and offices in England to have separate male and female toilets. Hurry up Keith! At least there’s still a T in Scotland.

I’ll be the Judge
I’ve picked up a worrying trend from the US which is right-whingers fighting back against the culture war. Obviously for external purposes there is no culture war, and if there is a culture war, then the left are not fighting it at all — we are just resisting the war started by conservatives — and if we are fighting, then we are just enacting the morally correct course of action in the exact same spirit as when Rosa Parks occupied a bus seat with a tent and an anti-semitic banner. Anyway, some federal Judges in America have refused to accept graduates from an Ivy League university associated with the pro-Hamas campus vandalism occupation. They said Columbia University has become “an incubator of bigotry”, adding: “Freedom of speech protects protest, not trespass, and certainly not acts of threats of violence or terrorism.” I condemn the judges for their cultural appropriation of student boycotts and I sentence them to re-education at the once-prestigious Columbia University where they can learn how to be good communists citizens by begging university authorities to send “humanitarian aid” into their occupied building — at least for the students who are on a meal plan. It seems the revolution will not be catered. Sadly the French are less enlightened. Their police were filmed dragging young revolutionaries out of their encampment before they could say “Vive la Palestine!”

The first prototype Elephant circa 1860

Elephants are cancelled
I was on the Eurostar to France Française the other day when I accidentally started reading an article from MailOnline. Obviously I’ve donated some money to the Guardian’s begging campaign to atone for it (well, I set up a GoFundMe, I’m not dipping into my Malaga ‘25 fund for that). Anyway, the hate-rag was saying that a BBC Springwatch presenter called Gillian Burke prefers not to use English words for wild animals in Africa because there is an “inequality” in “who gets to do the naming” and we are “unwittingly wielding some form of power by naming wild animals”. Since a team of Kenyans invented wild animals back in 1860, it’s only right that instead of saying “Elephant” she uses the Swahili name “ndovu”, and instead of Giraffe it’s “twiga”. At this point I had to briefly check she wasn’t actually Helen Pluckrose in blackface, trying to pull another one of her stunts again. But after being convinced of Gillian’s authenticity after scrolling through her achingly-worthy, BLM-supporting Instagram — I heartily agreed with the message, and have sent her a DM suggesting it might be good to include their Swahili pronouns too. You might say, yes but what about the point of language being about understanding one another? And I would reply with one word — “Racist”.

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