Woke World

The bravery of big corporations

They don’t bother with the flag in their Arab outlets, because Islamic culture is far more progressive

This article is taken from the July 2021 issue of The Critic. To get the full magazine why not subscribe? Right now we’re offering five issue for just £10.

Pride month — formerly known as “June” — was another roaring success. The LGBTQIA+ rainbow flag was absolutely everywhere, as it should be. It’s just a shame that the other eleven months of the year are so homophobic. 

It was gratifying to see major corporations such as Microsoft and Proctor & Gamble proudly displaying the rainbow colours in opposition to the bigoted heteronormativity of the West. And equally gratifying to see that they didn’t need to bother with the flag in their outlets in the Arab States, which just goes to show that Islamic culture is far more progressive than ours. 

The flag itself is getting more and more colourful with every passing year. In addition to the original six colours, we now have pink, light blue and white stripes to signify trans rights, as well as black and brown stripes to represent people of colour. This is because the pride flag is a literal representation of the skin colours that are acceptable in the gay community. 

The pride flag is a literal representation of the skin colours that are acceptable in the gay community

I’m also thrilled to see that the initialism of LGBTQIA+ is gradually being updated. For some, it’s LGBTQ2SIA, for others it’s LGBTQQIP2SAA. Personally, I prefer LGBTQIAESH, which includes three of the most marginalised groups: eco-eroticists, sponge-fetishists and hay-sexuals (whose sexual identity fluctuates according to the pollen count).

Pride is all about taking an active stance to make a difference, so be mindful with your language. Any conversation that doesn’t start with the question “What are your pronouns?” simply isn’t worth having. 

If you’re not educating the masses, you’re part of the problem. Only the other day, my grandmother said that she didn’t understand what “non-binary” meant. So I smashed her in the face with a bike lock. With any luck, this will teach her to be more compassionate and open-minded in the future.

The time has come to kill heteronormativity for good, to consign cisgender norms to the dustbin of history. Always remember that heterosexuality is a damaging power structure and all genital preferences are transphobic. In fact, if a straight man refuses to fellate a female penis, that just proves he’s actually gay.

Enjoying The Critic online? It's even better in print

Try five issues of Britain’s newest magazine for £10

Critic magazine cover