No Keirs, only dreams now.
With the prime minister on his way out, even his own MPs have discovered a fondness for him
It was a sweltering day, one of summer dresses and shirtsleeves and trying not to move too much. The Speaker had given the gentlemen of the press permission to remove our jackets, though the reporter who tried to get into the gallery in shorts was told he was pushing things too far.
In the Commons chamber, there was no sign of the man of the moment. Perhaps Andy Burnham had looked out of his window at the pavements melting and concluded that coming to London had all been a huge mistake.
Now they know they won’t have to put up with him much longer, Labour MPs feel quite warmly about him
Keir Starmer walked in with Rachel Reeves to a huge cheer. Now they know they won’t have to put up with him much longer, Labour MPs feel quite warmly about him. The prime minister was asked, as usual, to list his engagements, and he gave the usual reply: “This morning I had meetings with ministerial colleagues and others. I shall have further such meetings later today.”
“Andy?” shouted a Tory.
“Not today,” replied Starmer, with a laugh. Like other prime ministers, he had discovered that the worst had happened, and he was still alive.
Kemi Badenoch began on a light note. “I want to start by congratulating the prime minister,” she said. “He’s the other party leader who won a by-election last week, although I think I am much happier with my new MP than he is with his.”
“I’m very pleased with our new MP,” Starmer replied, somewhat unconvincingly. Reeves managed the tiniest of smiles. The prime minister had a stat: “In Gorton and Denton, the Tories got 1.9% of the vote. Can I congratulate her, because in Makerfield they got 2.2% of the vote!” Labour let out an ironic cheer. “At that rate, it will take them 500 years to get back into power.”
That was as friendly as it got. Badenoch turned her fire on Reeves, noting that she hadn’t turned out to watch his resignation, but had made it along to a group selfie with Burnham. Did he feel let down?
At this, Reeves looked close to tears, managing a small forced smile as Starmer sang her praises in reply. If the prime minister may be within sight of the point where losing office is a relief, the chancellor is still some distance away. Badenoch punched the bruise, listing Reeves’s failures with some pleasure, before moving on to the other Tory hate figure, Ed Miliband. Not everyone would have the ironclad self-confidence to attack measures to tackle climate change on a day when schools were closed by heat, but the Conservative leader is untroubled by doubt.
Starmer interestingly offered no words of support for Miliband. Perhaps he’s still stung by his former ally’s role in his expulsion. “The test for every prime minister,” he said instead, “is handing over the country in better shape than you found it. I know I could do that, which is more than can be said for her predecessor, her predecessor’s predecessor, and her predecessor’s predecessor’s predecessor.” And, frankly, either of their predecessors.
“If it’s all so fantastic,” asked Badenoch, “why is he resigning?” It was a fair question, but a reminder that the answer was “not because of anything you did”. More than any leader of the opposition I can remember, the Tory leader has been utterly irrelevant to the removal of the prime minister. She could have been backpacking along the Andes with Lisa Nandy for all the difference she has made.
From here it only got more bad tempered. Badenoch attacked Labour MPs for “cheering so loudly while there are 400 knives stuck in his back”. The Speaker intervened and appealed for decorum, apparently outraged by the violence of the metaphor, but honestly we’ve heard worse.
What of the man who really could, if the speaker will forgive the expression, claim this scalp? For once Nigel Farage had deigned to turn up at PMQs simply to watch. Perhaps he’s decided he has things to learn. On Tuesday, after two months workshopping ways to explain why overseas multi-millionaires secretly giving you piles of cash is totally legit, he had offered a defence. “It’s an unconditional gift,” the Reform leader informed LBC. “I can spend it on Ferraris if I want!” It was certainly original, it had that going for it, but if that is the best line he’s got, he should go back into hiding.
It was left to Sir Desmond Swayne, the least predictable of MPs, to restore harmony to the chamber. He reminded the Labour benches of the tale of “Jim, Who Ran away from his Nurse, and was Eaten by a Lion”. Tories chuckled and Labour MPs looked baffled. Perhaps Hilaire Belloc didn’t make it onto the National Curriculum, and so his warning to keep tight hold of nurse, for fear of finding something worse, has been lost. Starmer chuckled, and told the House that when he’d taken his family on holiday in Swayne’s constituency, the MP had delivered champagne. “I thank him for his generosity.”
