Delusions of choice

Last Sunday evening, millions of eyes descended on Los Angeles and the Grammy Awards ceremony. Those eyes focused sharply, and unexpectedly, on the arrival of Kanye West and his wife Bianca Censori.

Censori wore an oversized black fur coat as West led her out front of cameras assembled before the red carpet. West — who dressed as though he was nipping out to Aldi for a reduced-price chicken — then stood to one side in a bizarre “minder” type pose staring unsmilingly at the cameras after nodding a direction for Censori to drop the coat. She was naked underneath. She has been described as wearing a “see through dress” but it was as good as invisible. All watching know she was effectively naked, and the attempts to call her obvious humiliation “fashion” are embarrassing excuses proffered by a complicit media.

Censori has a face rendered immobile with Botox, as the industry demands, so only her eyes are available to portray emotion. Those eyes appear haunted — perhaps even trying to scream. 

This might well have expressed the feeling of being coercively controlled — the sense for a woman of being out of her own body. In this situation, a woman is not fully in control of her choices and no longer fully knows herself or what she wants. The man who has taken charge of her free will has almost complete power over her. She is experiencing an extreme mental low — stripped of self-determination. 

For more than twenty-four hours online, men wanting to defend Kanye West have bleated on repeat “my body, my choice” to hold Censori responsible for choosing to appear naked. These men are keen to claim that Censori is fully responsible for displaying her naked body to the world. Yet the dynamics of coercive control, side-stepped by such men, are utilised to make a woman believe she has no choice.

One oft-cited form of coercive and controlling behaviour is to dictate what a victim can and cannot wear. Other forms include dictating who she can speak to, where she can go, controlling finances etc. There are many reports of West controlling what his partners wear and becoming upset if they make clothing choices without him. West’s previous partner Kim Kardashian felt unable to dress herself after she left him. She said, “I got to a point where I would ask him for advice for everything, down to what I wear,” Kim said. “Even now I’m having panic attacks like, ‘what do I wear?’”

Censori appearing naked seems to conflict with West’s behaviour in 2021, when Kim Kardashian appeared in a tight dress he considered “too sexy” for the Met Gala. West objected to Kardashian choosing to wear it and other clothes which were revealing of her figure, to the point of whining, “Oh, my girl needs to be like the other girls, showing her body off. I didn’t realise that was affecting my soul and my spirit.”

Kardashian revealed the anxiety she felt at this. The urge behind the pressure to wear or not to wear a revealing outfit is the same. He has control over her because he makes her feel insecure about her choices. 

Whilst being controlled, a woman may not be aware that the choices made for her, or which she is pressured into making, are deeply harmful. In the case of Censori, she is being held responsible for choosing to display her body naked in front of the world’s press — directed by West. I question any of the men suggesting a woman would choose this to ask themselves if they would enjoy being naked during a shopping trip to Tesco while their wife stands behind them whispering in their ear for them to pick up the bread more sexily. 

Most of us would consider this a waking nightmare. Women looking at Censori felt her naked humiliation viscerally, understanding what it would take to appear like this, and how little it would feel like empowerment. It has been suggested that Censori enjoys, even seeks such attention. If a woman is subject to controlling behaviour she will have it reframed by a man as “good for her” and as though he is making good choices for her. It is often only after she is free of the control that a woman realises the “advice” was not in her best interests. A lip reader has reported that West whispered to Censori, “Drop it behind you and then turn, I got you. Make a scene, I’ll say it’ll make so much sense.”

If this is correct, he is asking her to trust his wisdom that being naked in front of the world’s press is good for her. The stark reality is that if Bianca Censori made the “choice” to walk naked onto the streets of most cities, likely the “choice” she would make would be to risk being raped (or being arrested for indecent exposure). 

On the red carpet at the Grammy’s there was little direct physical danger of sexual assault. Nevertheless, much has been taken from Censori and this deed will have been emotionally injurious. This moment will forever define her, follow her, even if she gets free of West at some point. that is deeply cruel. 

Some are suggesting West can be acquitted of suspicions of control because it is an example of his “art”. In no way do I consider the rotund, stony-faced West an artistic genius, but even if he were a significantly better musical artist than he is, artistic geniuses are also sometimes guilty of mistreating women who are their muses. The genius does not ennoble or excuse the mistreatment.

Others have pointed to Censori’s wealth and supportive family. There is no demographic of women immune to the techniques of coercive control. Victims of coercive control are secured and bonded in similar ways, seductive love-bombing and promises, which finally cede to gradual undermining of a woman’s autonomy. Money and family will not protect a woman, only the knowledge of what he is doing will.  

A perpetrator will often tell her she is wearing clothes which make her look like a “whore”. However, some abusive men will demand that a woman wears ever more humiliating clothing, including sexist and degrading costumes during sex. These are designed to make her feel humiliated and dehumanised. If a man wanted to take this one step further, and was particularly emboldened by his protected status, he might command her to wear them in public.  

Women may feel powerless in the fact of control, but the truth is that they are not

An uncomfortable discussion is being forced by this situation around why when a woman realises what is happening, is miserable, senses she is being controlled, she does she not leave or seek help. This avenue of questioning is slammed as victim-blaming. It’s true such questions do seek to blame the woman being mistreated, but it might be necessary to consider the possibility that a man can be to blame and simultaneously also look at why a woman, who sees it, does not act to leave him. 

It would then be possible to question if women are being effectively educated to spot such treatment — and if when they do, they are offered sufficient or appropriate help. If others are turning a blind eye and not asking her if she is ok, or why she is remaining there, are they helping maintain her as a victim?

Women may feel powerless in the fact of control, but the truth is that they are not. They need to be shown this. Perhaps the press should have been screaming “Run! Why don’t you run?” not “Drop the coat and smile. You’re fine!”